A wine for all types

Michael Punton
By Michael Punton
18 days ago
3 min read

The office Christmas party is my favourite meeting of the year. It’s pretty much the only work invitation I accept and mean it. Anything else could go either way.

But with all great Christmas parties come great personalities. Unfortunately, it’s inevitable you’ll cross paths with most, if not all, of these people throughout the night. Unless you’re Ghoster Garry.

Nevertheless, I’ve got just the bottle to wow their pants right off or distract them as you make your escape. Whatever floats your boat. 

Batshit Brenda

What a bore. I mean, they’re nice enough but you don’t directly work with them and never will. You don’t even know what they do. So find out—it’s just polite—over a nice bottle of red.

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Free pass Frankie

Their significant other has given them the night off from parenting to let loose. They’re making up for 364 days of non-fun in one night. Help them along with this, this, this, or even this. They don’t care. 

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Free food Frida

Try saying that 10 times fast. They’re here for the grub. Wine’s not going to help you here. But point out a fresh tray of sausage rolls doing the rounds to firmly stamp a place on their heart.

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Bad moves Miranda

When they go to grab your hand and include you in what can only be described as the hell baby of the Nut Bush and Macarena, plonk this plonk in their hand instead. Works every time. 

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Last-to-leave Larry

Ol’ reliable, they call ‘em. Still trying to bust out a move or two well after the lights have come on, the music’s turned off and there’s not another person in sight. We’ve all been there, grasping onto something like this with pure love in your eyes.

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Too-beautiful Tony/Toni

What. A. Babe. Now’s your chance. Wow them with your impressive wine skillz and dangle a bottle of this in front of them. While you’re sharing it out back, imagine the rest of your life with them. Wonder what type of dog you’ll get.

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Screaming Susan

We get it, Susan; the music is loud. You don’t have to be. But alas, not even a Bon Jovi banger can drown out their blah-blahs. Shut them up with this or drink it yourself and shove the cork in your ears. 

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Now think about this: which one are you? If you believe in the stars and love a good quiz, find out what wine you should drink based on your horoscope here